Neglected Languages of Love Cause Conflict to Couples

” I thought after tying the knot our relationship will grow more, but it didn’t.”

” We’ve been married for years and yet it seemed that I don’t know him at all.”

“She has no time for me. She’s always busy with her job and all the house chores.”

These are just some of the sentiments of couples who experience problems in their relationship, married or not. They usually do the opposite of what their partners want from them, unconsciously.

Learning the love language of your partner will give you ideas of how to make your connection work with him harmoniously.

Look deeper

Love conquers all. Love makes the world go round. Love can move mountains.

Love has meanings that people have learned, to interpret their own point of view based on experience. It’s an emotion you cannot avoid once you felt it and a need to surpass emptiness of the soul.

Knowing love means you also know your loved one deeply. His or her every move is very familiar to you. Even a single stare or gesture can be understood without him or her verbally speaking it out.

Looking deeper into your partner’s whole personality lets you know his love language. Knowing this can help in reviving a weak relationship. Ignoring the problem of not meeting up with these love languages may lead to a disastrous relationship.

Languages of love

Each one of us has our own love language depending on how we are raised or how our environment affected our being. It is our primary language of love. According to Gary Chapman, a very well-known marriage counselor, there are five kinds of love language that we must consider to fully understand our loved one to make things work with them.

Words of Affirmation

This love language means you have to give compliments to your spouse to show appreciation if this is his or her language. You can also praise him in front of your family and other people to tell everyone how great your partner is. It can also be words of encouragement to uplift him whenever he feels down.

Kind and humble words are indeed a must to cheer him up. Even writing out a simple love letter or card will surely touch his heart and love you even more in return.

Quality Time

As the title implies, quality time is a must to nurture your bond with each other. You have to pay undivided attention to your spouse. Spend time together even in the most simple way like walking to a park or just sit down on the couch and talk about your day. Going out for some activities or date sometimes is also a thing to be considered.

Spend time to listen to what he wants to say and share your thoughts after. Even being silent with him while he speaks his mind and heart means a lot. It also tells that you understand him and you are both one in all aspects of life.

Receiving Gifts

Giving gifts is one way to express love and appreciation. Sometimes it doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be a simple card that expresses your feelings and thoughtfulness. A picked flower from your backyard can do, telling how beautiful your spouse is.

It can also be your mere presence on the most special occasions of your lives or during the most crucial times. Your self will act as the visual gift that they’ll need. 

Acts of Service

Most of the people that have this kind of love language often see the things that you did for him or her and the family. They love being served and taken care of because they usually do the same. It’s the way they express their love.

Cooking his favorite dish, washing his clothes and keeping the house clean or keeping the kids being neat all the time make up for this one. 

Physical Touch

Physical touch is a powerful way of showing emotions without talking involved. If you are both in a quarrel or experiencing hard times, a warm hug communicates well with your spouse. It can soothe the pain. It can also speak for what you feel.

But the center of this love language involves sex as the communicator to express love and emotions. You have to be sensitive to what pleasures them and not the one that irritates them.

 

Image from sonyphotog.com

Change for the better

It is always a problem for a couple to identify their love languages. It opens up conflicts that sometimes lead to separation. But if you know your spouse well and the love you have is enough to work it out with him, try to learn his primary love language.

It may take you a while to discover it, admit your fault, and act upon it. But rekindling the fire of your relationship is worth the effort. It will lighten up the burden inside you and your home will be filled with peace and harmony. It is indeed the thing that makes our inner self happy.

Source : The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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